Sometimes I feel so lost. Impulsively acting upon something, because I want to shut all of the noises in my head. I remember the many years of stress and discontentment at home. I could never understand why my mother put up with such abuse. It was always easy for me to criticize her, to say that she was dumb for staying around. But now it seems a little more clear. I cannot say I fully understand but it makes sense. You try to hold on to that person that you think you love and you try to hold on to that vow no matter how much it pushes you towards insanity. I need this realization for myself. It is easier to hate someone, because its easier to say bad things about people. It is a real challenge to love someone, because loving someone meaning to love them for all of their flaws and to laugh at their mistakes. I have no tolerance for people who are "bad", but I am not perfect either. I haven't made the best decisions the last couple of days and I have never behaved like this in my life. I feel like a child acting out because I never got the chance to do it when I was really a child. I can't function the same anymore. I don't want to fall into depression.