We are never willing to admit the true amount of responsibility we are responsible for.
Therefore there is always someone who is bound to pull more weight due to the slacking of others.
But also, people often give themselves more credit than they truly deserve.
Thus the world spins madly on.

I feel like our world's been infected, and somehow you left me neglected - You Lost Me, Aguilera

In My Head It Goes A Little Something Like This

I was thinking about her, thinking about me, thinking about us, who we gonna be opened my eyes it was only just a dream... - Nelly, Just A Dream

you're too damn fine girl to be cryin' all the time girl Why you lookin' that way? Shawty I bet I can put a smile on your face...- Iyaz, Take Your Breath Away

Something I Picked Up From When I Was Young

During hard times, don't make it harder and just smile.
Regardless of how crappy I feel, I am happy to have the friends that I do around me.
The world has a lot more to offer, so I put my chin up.

Lesson Learned

1. I will never allow any chick flicks to give me butterflies, because all of them are false expectations.
2. When I see a cute couply picture I think about how much work it takes and think hard about whether that's something I want in my life.
3. Never to loose my independence in any circumstance. Ever again.

Sometimes I feel so lost. Impulsively acting upon something, because I want to shut all of the noises in my head. I remember the many years of stress and discontentment at home. I could never understand why my mother put up with such abuse. It was always easy for me to criticize her, to say that she was dumb for staying around. But now it seems a little more clear. I cannot say I fully understand but it makes sense. You try to hold on to that person that you think you love and you try to hold on to that vow no matter how much it pushes you towards insanity. I need this realization for myself. It is easier to hate someone, because its easier to say bad things about people. It is a real challenge to love someone, because loving someone meaning to love them for all of their flaws and to laugh at their mistakes. I have no tolerance for people who are "bad", but I am not perfect either. I haven't made the best decisions the last couple of days and I have never behaved like this in my life. I feel like a child acting out because I never got the chance to do it when I was really a child. I can't function the same anymore. I don't want to fall into depression.

Please go away...

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there."

— Bob Marley

Fucked up E.S.T 1998

Know Thy Self.
Love Yourself too.

I am scarred. I am jaded. I don't give a fuck.

I could allow myself to be angry at the moment, but I would like to think this through a little more.
The past few days I have been wanting to go home because there are situations in my life that are out of my control.
This lack of control, as any normal human being, brings frustration into my life.
I am making an EFFORT to strengthen relationships, but others just disregard or does not value it as much. Is it ignorance? Or is it perhaps because human beings are unpredictable.
Do human beings choose to be inconsiderate of others feelings or is it merely because they don't find the importance of that one thing that another find important, not that important at all.
Or is it timing?
The past few years I have failed to celebrate the milestones of the important people in my life i.e. my best friends birthday and my brother's birthday. The one year that I would like to make up for it, my brother has plans to go to Vegas. This then devalues the trip I was going to take home. I am glad that he will be doing something fun, but its interesting how life works sometimes. It might appear I am sweating the small things and it might appear that I am upset because I am not getting what I want. The truth of the matter is that its frustrating to know that the only person to fend for ourselves is yourself.

Living through lyrics

Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time
Half of my heart's got a right mind

It was nice to meet you Spain, Serbia, Germany and Switzerland. Its interesting the feelings we hold on to, lets do this! Lets travel!

Being me is like standing on a shaky foundation.

Odd Feelings

I feel imbalanced. I don't like it one bit.

Lets Forget This Bad Morning

I can go on about how horribly my morning has gone, but lets talk about the splendid weekend I had.

My face collided w/ the football over the weekend. Wait, this doesn't sound like a good weekend...
Despite that incident, it was a fun day spent at the pool playing dive games, cannon balls, marco/polo and launching each other out of the water.

At the end of the day I was left with a smile on my face and a clear mind.

Then this morning happened. That's okay.

How are you? and Good Morning

Even the strangers in our lives make the biggest impact on our day-to-day functions and they should be appreciated more.

I have always had an issue with transportation. Sometimes it irks me how unreluctant my family members are to pick me up from extracurricular activities or lessons that are suppose to be "enriching" for me.

In my mind, I cannot help but judge those who were dropped off from school every day in high school even when the public transportation was accessible to them. Though that is not my place to judge, good for them that they have someone in their lives who would go the extra mile to pick them up. But people have no respect for bus drivers, waiters, postman and whoever is in public services.

Without these figures, irregardless of the fact that their incentives are to hold a stable job, my life would not be as fruitful as it is today. I owe it to them in even the least form through a simple gesture. As I walk out of my apartment I see a postman where I cheerfully greeted him where he appeared to be caught off guard by the recognition I have given him. I asked how his day was and he smiled as if this was an anomaly. As I did the same for the two buses I hopped on earlier today. Please, smile and do these simple gestures and lets breakdown the hierarchy and social stratification that a person is only deserving of attention if they hold some sort of class or status.

RA RA RIOT!

A scene from downtown Oakland of the riot for Oscar grant airs at 10:30 in Triple Rock.
I just have one thing to say: counterproductive.
Go home.
The last time I was amidst a huge riot was before I left for the USA. I was such a brave child, I don't remember crying. I just remembered watching the stacks of smoke in the backdrop of my house, the burned family businesses that was so carefully chosen to be burned as the one Muslim owned business was left to stand and the people awake to guard their neighborhoods. Those were the days.
Lets move on and go write to your proper representatives.

When you don't have parents to guide you...

In an effort to understand the "inner-me" I have been doing a lot of reading.
I learned a lot from all of the pain and hurt my in my childhood, but now I am recuperating from the consequences.

Books I want to read:
The Fountainhead- Ayn Rand
Gang Leader For a Day- Sudhir Venkatesh
East of Eden- Steinbeck

Books I have read:

The Perks of Being a Wallflower- Stephen Chbosky
Outliers- Malcom Gladwell
Beautiful Boy- David Sheff

I most related The Perks of Being a Wallflower and Outliers. I'll post a few quotes that really hit home when I get the chance.

Where am I going!?

GMAT?
Harvard Business School?
Work at an Ad Agency or some creative industry?
Learn graphic design?

Don't ask.

The Office

I just had a thought of documenting all of the lulls that occur on the job.

1. Endless Xcl. work. 393/ 1130. 737 more to go.

I know I want you, but I hesitate to say so because you might not want the same thing.

Defense Mechanism

sometimes in my tears I drown but I never let it get me down so when negativity surrounds I know some day it'll all turn around

Serve Yourself

Food has an interesting way of connecting people together. These are some of the dishes my roommate Peony has made and despite the fact she's her own worse critic, her dishes make the long days that much more bearable.