Kinesthetic Empathy

This might be just a dancers intuition, but after watching a dance performance it makes me want to be a part of them. Unfortunately, politics exist everywhere and your inhibitions are always being challenged.

They say that at Berkeley there are no limits to be who you want to be. In fact, I feel the complete opposite. The authority figure still exist and no one wants to recognize them. Everyone goes around with such optimism because THEY are a part of it, they got what they wanted. How about others? Still confined in their bracket, kept where they belong. No one ever thinks about that.

It seems more superficial then anything. The value of the UC System has significantly depreciated for me personally. How about you? This may be your university, but not mine.

I have a mind of a rebel and its a bitch.

"I'm not afraid to cry once in awhile even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me. There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me. What hurts the most was being so close and havin' so much to say and watchin' you walk away."- Rascal Flatts

Sacrifices

Sometimes I wonder where I get my resilience from.

I have faced many moments where I just want to withdraw from school, because of many reasons.

If I thought about how much of my own money I have invested in to be at UC Berkeley to just have a roof over my head I would be mentally fucked. What if I was like the typical student whose parents paid for their college tuition, but that is a ridiculous thought as I would never see living my life any other way, under the control of my own bare hands.

Three years have passed by and I have not a single debt or loan. In the words of my counselor he said that "you would be stupid to not go abroad."

I am not sure if I should be flattered or offended by his remark. Just because I am not in debt does this mean I should start now, just to fulfill some fantasy to travel to France? How necessary is it to really be abroad? Or am I only naively falling into the trap of societal pressures. When did my standards changed so high. Does traveling make me more worldly? How did these desires ever came to be. Sure my parents gave me a French name so I can travel to France, but what logic lies behind that? Am I destined to find something there? Perhaps there I will learn to be less of an individualistic person and return to my collectivist roots. Maybe understand what it means to show a little bit of affection, its unfortunate that I have an automatic defense mechanism. Damn my failed childhood.

Time has elapsed so quickly that it has only hit me that the next time I go "home" I will return to an empty home without my brother around. I feel unsafe without him around. Its sad to fear the place you are suppose to come back home to.