Emotional Trap.

The feelings that I feel are they make believe?

Is this a mere result of a chemical imbalance.

In class we played this game called "True/ False".

We said a statement about ourselves and the class determines whether they are T / F.

Mine was "I grew up in a third world country" only TWO people believed that.

It was enlightening to think how they perceived me to be.

This possibly can be some overanalyzation.

Then a rush of emotions came flooding in.

All of the sudden I missed my CHILDHOOD.

I lived there for NINE years. That has to count for something.

Honor.

Is that what you live for?

Why do we all seek the approval of others, think about why you do the things that you do.

For a better world?

Think again.

Recapturing 2009.

The cycle of my life revolves around the academic calendar. One year of my life feels like an academic year and I never take time to step back to truly observe what happened in 2009.

In my Christmas Card my brother said that it was a tough year for all of us, this is true though I thought it was quite an amazing year. The many years of dealing with depression, verbal/physical abuse I have managed to keep my spirits up in the best way that I understand.

There were many opportunities that was opened to me this year though there's always some force which attempts to close it shut. It has come to my realization that I have been very fortunate.

1. Attended counseling to be a better person.

2. Naturalized and became once and for all the Americanized label that my parents have patronized me as.

3. Fulfilled my dream to visit NY

4. Landing an internship with Oracle.

5. Taking the chance to makeup for the lost time that is Boat Dance.

6. Had my first kiss and had my heart broken.

7. Fooled and learned to be more clever in making decisions.

8. Brothers momentous graduation.

9. 1st home in the USA (more a new chapter for my parents than anything).

10. Broke out of my comfort zone to join a coed service fraternity.

11. Made a grip of lasting friendships.

It may have been a tough year mentally, but all of this I have to be grateful for, now I know its not Thanksgiving but I am damn lucky. No matter what I will never forget my roots of coming from that shit hole of a place.