For some reason I have this perception of myself that if I allow myself to be vulnerable I am not desirable. Then I end up in this little game that I didn't want to be in to begin. When I start to let my guard down and show my need, no one takes heed and it makes it difficult to keep my guard down. It makes me wonder what can I do to change this curse for people to see that I am fighting. Being left hanging perpetuates why I become so cold, it makes me wonder what others are doing. Someone said, love and take care of yourself first and the rest will come, but all I have done is love myself , yet love has not come. All I knew was to take care of myself and in that way it makes it hard to rely or need someone else. All of this is a catch-22 will someone just allow me into their heart and I can allow myself to be loved.
