Keeping myself in check

The other day on the BART ride home I thought to myself how little freedom I had financially. Only recently did I recall the many times where I refused to go out, because I had no money. I remember feeling a bit embarrassed when my friends wanted to go to the movies and I had no money for it. My excuse was always " I don't have the money" where then my friend would offer to pay. Ever since Berkeley, despite the fact that I have to pay for all of my bills, I have the ability to go out and I rarely catch myself refusing to go out with anyone. This is something I am truly grateful for. This is the reason I want to remain independent. Money cannot buy us happiness, but lets face it folks, it does make the world go round. I have been on the other end of the stick and frankly living paycheck to paycheck just does not cut it. I have been trying to find meaning and purpose in life, but growing up I was never encouraged to do what I enjoyed. I was encouraged to do what was practical. It was until Western influence kicked in where I began to truly reflect the possibility of doing something I was passionate about. Growing up was always about getting by through the day. Now, its the present and I am not living my past but I like to assess my past to be able to move forward to the present time.